psssst! I’ve got an event in San Francisco next week! More info below. Would love to see you!
Well, well, well…..
I really should have written about puppies. Really cute, cuddly, adorable puppies. If you’ve been reading along, you may remember that last week I posed the question:
“What would it take to get you to wander in the direction of your own fear?”
That felt like a really nice question from the place I was sitting at the moment. Having just done some transformational work in Bali, I was feeling pretty empowered, unstoppable, and confident in my business. I’d just sold out another speaking event in San Francisco, and felt like I was Rocking. It. Out. It was awesome.
Then a little “opportunity” came my way. I say it in quotes because it DID NOT feel like an opportunity. An amazing teacher I’d met on my retreat in Bali was in San Francisco and putting on a workshop this past weekend. I knew it would be good for me to go, but my brain went crazy. “I haven’t had a weekend to myself since Bali!” and “I can’t spend any more money right now on all this woo woo stuff!” and “I just don’t even want to have to set my alarm this weekend” and on and on.
I went into an indecisive paralyzing downward spiral over it. I went into “figure it out” mode. Soon, I was driving myself crazy and wishing I’d never shared with you that I sometimes struggle with anxiety and indecision. In that moment I felt like it had such a grip on me and that I’d never made any progress on it at all.
I felt a little bit like a fraud for asking you to consider your own fear while I was unwilling to step into my own.
I even regretted writing to you about it, because EVERYTHING I have written about has confronted me since I started this newsletter (the fear, the breakdowns, you get the picture). I even joked that I just need to start writing about puppies, so that I get confronted with puppies instead of these painful feelings of self-doubt.
Self-criticism comes easily when I can’t make a decision. “What is WRONG with me? It’s not that big of a deal! Why can’t I just DO this?” So on top of the pain of feeling that way, there is the self-critical voice dragging me down. It feels awful.
As I sat with what was going on, I realized that I really needed to take my own darn advice and wander in the direction of my fear. I know that when something triggers me and makes me SO emotional, that there is something there for me to explore.
It’s a funny way to make a decision, but I think I’ve come up with a determining factor for myself: If I am FREAKING OUT, I must move forward. Weird right? Because in the end, I decided to go to the workshop and it was amazing and I knew instantly that I’d made the right decision and laughed at myself for all the grief I’d gone through.
So I’m curious about you too….
Have you made any big decisions recently that freaked you out at first?
What do you do to access your inner wisdom about the “right” thing to do?
What scary thing are you wandering toward at the moment?
I love hearing from you! Drop me a line if you have something to say.
For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, I invite you to join me at my next event, the advanced level course of my How To Network Like a Pro workshop. It’s going to be super participatory, a great way to practice, and there will be healthy snacks (so you won’t need to feel bad about the post-Turkey indulgence.) Is finding a new job or growing your business on your list of likely New Year’s resolutions? Come on out and meet some cool people in a super low pressure networking environment. I’d love to see you.
Lots of love to you and have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!
Emily