Happy Holidays!
As we’re in the thick of the holiday season, and with the New Year approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about family, relationships (of all kinds) and the value of good communication. I’ve also been thinking about the absolute necessity of being self-expressed, and feeling my deep desire to have permission to truly just be myself without judgement or blame.
I’ve talked about fear before and it’s an ongoing theme in my own personal exploration and growth. One of the ways it’s been showing up for me recently is how fear has stopped me from expressing myself fully. I often worry what the other person will think if I express what’s true for me. It feels extremely scary and vulnerable to say what’s on my mind sometimes because I fear judgement, rejection, gossip, or whatever worst case scenario I have imagined.
What I’ve found is that while in some ways choosing to not express myself spares me any of the worst case scenarios I’ve imagined, there is a great loss that also happens. Usually it means that I’m keeping something inside that really needs to get out and it might show up somewhere else as a criticism or anger, or even just a loss of faith in myself for not having the guts to say the thing I really wanted to. It also makes it pretty easy to build up resentment.
This stuff is bad for me both emotionally and physically- it can really take a toll. So there’s something I’m playing with right now, and I’m not saying it’s easy or that I am currently able to escape the agony that accompanies it. I’m just so badly wanting to keep returning to myself and what is true for me, so in smaller ways at first, I’m just practicing being really honest and vulnerable when there is something I need to express. If this is resonating for you, consider playing along.
Is there a conversation you’ve been meaning to have with your boss, client, partner, or child?
Is there something you’ve been keeping inside because you fear the other person’s response or rejection?
Even though I personally find these types of conversations extremely uncomfortable, there is always something incredibly rich to be gained if I’m willing to follow through. I get to be seen as who I really am, I get to learn more about myself, and the other person gets to be vulnerable too.
Are you willing to be witnessed and truly seen?
Can you witness another person in a more compassionate way as you share your vulnerabilities together?
I know this might feel a little heavy for the holidays, but the truth is, a lot of us have things we need to express to our family and loved ones, and maybe this is the time to try expressing something small, as a practice, a beginning.
As always, I love hearing from you. I’m sending hugs your way this holiday season.
Love,
Emily